K'ohnar
by Starlight Dream Weaver
Summary: The engulfment and emotional exposure.....


Authors notes: The darker side to the characters... I'm sure people will complain that it's nothing like how the characters would act. To that I reply:  
  
1. Exactly, that's the point. 2. They're characters, from a television show, get over it. 3. If you spend your time bitching about fanfiction that's not realistic, you need help and a life... Sorry but people take it way too seriously. I welcome reviews and anything people have to say, but be warned, I feed off flames. K'oh-nar - the feeling of being completely emotionally exposed shon-ha'lok - the engulfment, love at first sight Genre/Rating: angst/drama a look into what we don't see but what we're hinted to.. PG-13 'cause I have to. Implied... sex. No graphic scenes due to restrictions. Spoilers: They're still voyaging through the delta quadrant... It's a kinda... Guess who it is.... Dedication/Thanks:  
  
Iar fach Yr Haf, pilli palli of my heart. Metz.... beta friend and drink.. DM for DQTUGTV without I would be very lost along side voyager.  
  
K'oh-nar  
  
She had two lovers on Voyager. Some may say it was greedy and selfish of her, but all the same, she wasn't prepared to give either of them up.  
  
Of course they didn't know she had two lovers, both of them believing that she was theirs and only theirs. Her first lover was her gentle lover. He would take her in his arms and the world would melt away in whisperings of love and admiration. It was always slow and gentle. An expression of his love for her.  
  
That's where the lovers differed.  
  
Her second lover was fuelled not just by love, but by passion and lust. It was never an expression of love, it was a fast and furious mind blowing experience.  
  
They never exchanged words or acknowledged what they had done, they never spoke of it. They never acted differently when working together, even when in private.  
  
It was almost routine though, they met in the holodeck, a program of a bar in rural France. They would sit and talk, drink the wine and without words, without even looking at each other, they would retire inside the small bar, upstairs into the bedrooms.  
  
Her first lover insisted on cooked meals he had prepared himself, they would find themselves ignoring the meal usually, or pushing it from the table to make way for themselves. His quarters always. His possessions staring back from the walls and shelves, she existed in his world while in there. At least in the holodeck, there was absolutely nothing to remind themselves of who they were.  
  
Here she felt guilty, she knew who she was, who he was. And if the crew found out... But as she lay in bed afterwards, with him holding her, she couldn't bring herself to end it.  
  
Another difference.  
  
Her first lover would lie with her in bed, his strong arms holding her, hands caressing her, whispering words of admiration in her ear, kissing her neck and back, lulling her to sleep.  
  
And in the morning, he would still be there, still loving her.  
  
Her second lover was much different. They never lay together. He would sit by her as she lay in the bed, her eyes closed in mock sleep. He never spoke, he would just sit watching her as she slept.  
  
Once as she pretended to be asleep, she felt his hand on hers. And she felt more love in that action, of him simply holding her hand, that she had ever felt with her first lover.  
  
His combadge chirped near by, summoning him to the bridge and as he gathered his things to leave, he hesitated for a second, watching her sleep. On impulse his hand darted forward, brushing stray strands of hair behind her ear and he sat for a few moments, no rush to the bridge, just a standard meeting, and his hands, his fingers, sculpted her face.  
  
Brushing over her cheeks, her eyes, her nose and mouth, he sought to memorise her features, her beautiful face.  
  
He snapped back, this wasn't how he should act. He had a wife. The mother of his children. But from the moment he met her, it had been shon-ha'lok. He couldn't resist, it was overwhelming. Emotions constantly surging through him, mediation, discipline, it helped control it, but it existed within him. She existed within him. The affair had lasted years, longer than her could remember, longer that Voyager's mission. And no matter how hard he tried, he could not stop loving her.  
  
Shon-ha'lok. Forever.  
  
His combadge chirped again.  
  
"Bridge to Tuvok".....  
  
+++  
  
Tonight she was with her first lover. Another cooked meal in his quarters, which no doubt would end up on the floor, or forgotten. She had spent the morning with her second lover on the holodeck... with Tuvok. She stood in front of her first lover's quarters, hesitating... before sounding the chime.  
  
The door swished open and he stepped forward from his darkened quarters, light flooding his tattooed face. "Chakotay" her voice breathed from her, she didn't trust her voice around him, it betrayed her. He stepped aside to let her in "Kathryn".....  
  
++++  
  
Oooo Captain Slutty of the Intrepid StarShip Brothel Voyager..... heehee.... 


End file.
